Parashat Toledot
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Synopsis
Toledot begins with the birth of Jacob and Esau twins born from Rebekah and Isaac. Esau is an outdoors type and Jacob is a gentle type who prefers to be indoors. Isaac favours Esau and Rebekah favours Jacob. In their youth one day Esau gave up his birthright in exchange for a bowl of stew. Age forty-ish Esau marries two Hittite women which severely ticks off his parents. When Isaac is old and on his deathbed it is time for him to give his blessing to Esau but Rebekah tells Jacob to take his place and puts animals skins on his arms to fool Isaac as he was nearly blind. Esau felt decidedly on the cheated side and vows to kill Jacob. Rebekah sends Jacob to her brother Laban so that he may marry one of her own people and not a Hittite.
Themes
The whole of Toledot is all about family issues like sibling rivalry, parental favouritism as well as the more general issues of social exclusion and hierarchy. There are three specific themes of Toledot that we’ll be looking at.
1) Sibling rivalry and the origins of stereotypes and prejudice.
2) Parental favouritism
3) Issues with Intermarriage
1) Sibling Rivalry and the origins of stereotypes and prejudice
It can be said that the twins Jacob and Esau were more than just brothers but nations at war. They represented different personalities and different values that clashed badly leading to a rivalry that needed a victor and a loser. These two brothers are the perfect example of how not to deal with differences and I find difficulty with the fact that Judaism favours the values of Jacob. Esau is a stereotypical brute, hot-headed and violent but also predictable and simple which presented Jacob with opportunities for exploitation which he duly took. Jacob knew Esau would accept his offer of stew for his birthright because he was predictable and simple. Later Jacob goes on to deceive his father, a man who was incapacitated to the point of not being able to tell his sons apart. I’m not suggesting that we as a nation should be followers of the values of Esau but I would suggest that perhaps deceit isn’t something that we as Jews should be proud of. There we have it two brothers whose descendants went on to become warring nations, those of Israel and Amalek, because they couldn’t resolve their differences. This is also how stereotypes and prejudice start, with an initial disagreement and separation and the passing of information and then opinion based on less and less with each generation further away from the initial disagreement. Problems left unresolved brew bitterness and divide families and create seemingly unstoppable waves of negativity that grow into a culture of fear. So the lesson to be taken from this is to be understanding of people’s differences, the other side of an argument and the importance of resolving conflicts especially with those closest to us.
2) Parental Favouritism
So at this point the true disfunctional nature of the family of Isaac and Rebekah is revealed. Both parents had favourite sons, Rebekah preferred Jacob and Isaac had Esau as his number one. So the question is would the brothers have been such bitter rivals had their home not been such a competitive environment. Could antisemitism have been avoided if Isaac and Rebekah were better parents. Probably not, kids will be kids but they surely shouldn’t have encouraged such an intense rivalry. It goes to show the level of responsibility we have in providing the right kind of atmosphere for our chanichim. We have a big influence on the lives of our chanichim, we are their role models and shape their behaviour and values. Big responsibility!
3) Issues with Intermarriage
Intermarriage as a subject is raised twice in Toledot, when Esau married two Hittite women and when Rebekah says to Isaac that she is worried that Jacob may marry someone from canaan rather than someone from their native paddan-aram. So as Abraham sent a servant to find Isaac a wife, Isaac sends Jacob to find a wife from the same place. There are two issues here that I find puzzling. Firstly why is Isaac and Abraham before him dead set on their sons marrying women from their homeland. What makes them different from the women in Canaan, are they Jewish, did they follow Abraham to monotheism? Secondly if they did why did they not just go back to paddan-aram and settle there as part of a Jewish community instead of living in Canaan as an isolated settlement. This is an issue that is still present today with multi-cultural societies and set communities living alongside each other without assimilating to the culture of the countries they are in. Does intermarriage dilute the religion? Does intermarriage cause assimilation? Is this a bad thing? You decide.
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